Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Fast Talk: Flash Metabolism

Flash Metabolism: Here's a fun fact! Thanks to an accelerated metabolism, the Flash's unique body is capable of processing quantities of drugs such as phencyclidine that would prove lethal to the average human--though, unfortunately, not without being affected by their dangerous and intoxicating effects. After assaulting his fellow superheroes and embarking on an embarrassing super-speed rampage that nearly destroys their shared satellite headquarters, Barry Allen is subjected to what amounts to a Justice League of America drug screening. The results aren't promising. With all of the accuracy and attention to detail of a trained neurobiologist, the ever-impressive Superman explains that his x-ray vision has discovered microscopic "traces of P.C.P. and other 'junk' drugs clogging the tissues!" Using his equally impressive power ring, Green Lantern observes that his friend has absorbed a dose of angel dust "big enough to kill an elephant!!! Only his unique Flash metabolism pulled him thru!" Admittedly, this week's subject for Fast Talk was chosen primarily for its entertaining panel illustration, but it draws our attention to a scientific loophole used frequently in adventures featuring the fastest man alive. Is there anything--high-calorie consumable, potent potable, neurotoxic chemical--that the scarlet speedster's metabolism can't handle? All this in an issue approved by the Comics Code Authority, too! I hasten to add that, as the man of steel points out, "Obviously, he didn't do this to himself!" Don't do drugs. Stay in school.

Issue: The Flash #277 (September 1979)


rob! said...

It'd be funny to have a sequence where some kids see The Flash chowing down at McDonald's, and he has to tell the kids not to follow his example.

Dixon said...

Funny you should say that, Rob! I think I've got a couple of panels from one of Wally's early issues around here somewhere that depict nearly that same situation... The Flash, at McDonald's, filling up his tray as a number of stunned patrons look on!